'Cuz I Know My God Saved the Day...

So...INTERNS! Yeah! Whoo! People told me to expect to be torn apart and put back together...over and over and over again. But I didn't expect God to do anything within the first six days!

I was totally nervous to start on the first day because I had no idea what to expect. But the first day was full of fun activities...and washing of the pastors' cars (Hallelujah). But, as the days wore on, I started getting a little nervous about money. In reality, I didn't have the finances to pay for the internship on my own and I hadn't written letters to anyone asking for support because my pride got in the way :(

So I was praying and asking the Lord what I should do about these feelings of doubt and fear. I basically had ZERO peace about being an intern. I was really confused because I was pretty sure I had a verse from God about doing it, but now that things were not falling into place financially, I was beginning to doubt. "Maybe I misunderstood the scripture. Maybe God gave me a rent-free place to live in San Diego because he wanted me here, but not necessarily to do interns." And on top of all these thoughts, a few days into the internship, a rock hit my windshield and put a crack in it...which will cost upwards of $500 to fix. That did it. I got so upset that I cried. (I pray and cry a lot, it seems.) I finally screamed to God, "Why is this happening? I thought you wanted me to be an intern! Why isn't there enough money? Are you trying to tell me something? I can't handle this, Lord! You know what? If You want me to be an intern, You're going to have to pay for it. I'll do the down payment but You have to take care of the rest because I sure don'thave enough money. Especially now that there is a huge crack in my windshield!"

After waiting a day or two, with no miraculous influx of checks, I decided that I must have made a mistake. I called one of my closest friends and told her that I was going to quit Interns. There wasn't enough money and on top of that, I was basically having an emotional freak-out. No sooner had I called her that I received a call from Jery at church. He called to inform me that someone had anonymously donated $500 to my Intern fund. I think I almost dropped the phone. I immediately called my friend and demanded to know if it was her doing...she laughed and said no. I still have NO idea who gave me the money. But, including the down payment and the donation of this person, I now have Interns halfway paid for. Whoo!

I can't believe how beautiful God's plan is. He used this experience to show me that I CAN count on Him for everything. Even when I feel like He's not listening, He is. He stretches and stretches and stretches me until I can't do another thing on my own and have no other choice but to cry out to Him. He takes me through the fire to the point where I can't go another step and then, right before I am ready to quit because I can't take the heat, He rushes in and SAVES THE DAY. How lucky are we that our God is a Savior? That He delights in saving us when we're certain that we're done for?

I have NO way to pay for this internship. But God does. What is a few thousand dollars to Almighty God, the One who gives us the power to get wealth in the first place? I also think this experience served to humble and ask for help from others. Many people have offered to bless me financially when they heard about the program, but I was too proud to accept it. It's so funny. My Savior knows me to a "T"...He knows just how to get me. Now that I told God that He has to pay for it, I HAVE to accept money from people. Haha. I think that proves God has a sense of humor.

I wrote the check for the down payment yesterday. As I was writing it, I prayed, "Dear Lord, thank You that this is the last check I will have to write for this program. Thank You for being my Provider. Amen."