Whoa

Okay, so if anyone hasn't heard by now, I have been struggling with whether or not the Lord wants me to stay here in LA. I have felt really disconnected from Him and have been feeling pulled toward home in San Diego. I kept praying and asking God to reveal His will for me. I would always tell Him that I was willing to do whatever and go wherever He said, when secretly, I really just wanted to come home. Well, you can't keep secrets from God, can you? Sure enough, He began convicting me of my double-mindedness. I felt like He was saying, "You say you're willing to do whatever I say, but it seems like you already have your mind made up about what you're going to do. You already have your heart set on San Diego. What if I asked you to stay up here? Would you be willing to do it?" Upon examining my heart, I realized that I needed to FULLY surrender the direction of my life to Him. I finally gave up and said "Yes. I will stay here if You want me to."

The interesting thing is, once I fully gave up my will, God started hinting that He wanted me to move back. This weekend I was at church and at the GC Cell at the girls' house, and I was seeking advice and getting lots of prayer. I was telling the girls that I was fully willing to move back to San Diego, but I feel like I would be looked at as a failure; like I couldn't "hack it" in L.A. Also, there was the tiny little matter of me having just paid $1500 to join the Screen Actors Guild. I had already told the Lord that money is just money and I would still be willing to leave it all behind if He called me home.

I checked my bank account yesterday and the money that was taken out for my SAG membership was back in there!!! Then I got a call later that day saying that there was a "Problem with my card and they could not finalize my membership until I called them." If that is not God, I don't know what is! The money was GONE from my account on Thursday, and now it's back. It wasn't a "pending" transaction. The money was gone. God gave me my money back. I don't even know how to express the joy and gratitude to my loving, amazing, wonderful Savior. All I have to do is trust in Him, and He provides for me beyond my wildest dreams! Now I'm just waiting for God to show me where He wants me to live. I would like to live with my Mom but my stepdad won't allow it. I believe God will open the door to where I belong when the time is right. How great is our God, huh?