To life!

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved."

Ephesians 2:4-5

So grateful to be alive in Christ today!

Whoa

Okay, so if anyone hasn't heard by now, I have been struggling with whether or not the Lord wants me to stay here in LA. I have felt really disconnected from Him and have been feeling pulled toward home in San Diego. I kept praying and asking God to reveal His will for me. I would always tell Him that I was willing to do whatever and go wherever He said, when secretly, I really just wanted to come home. Well, you can't keep secrets from God, can you? Sure enough, He began convicting me of my double-mindedness. I felt like He was saying, "You say you're willing to do whatever I say, but it seems like you already have your mind made up about what you're going to do. You already have your heart set on San Diego. What if I asked you to stay up here? Would you be willing to do it?" Upon examining my heart, I realized that I needed to FULLY surrender the direction of my life to Him. I finally gave up and said "Yes. I will stay here if You want me to."

The interesting thing is, once I fully gave up my will, God started hinting that He wanted me to move back. This weekend I was at church and at the GC Cell at the girls' house, and I was seeking advice and getting lots of prayer. I was telling the girls that I was fully willing to move back to San Diego, but I feel like I would be looked at as a failure; like I couldn't "hack it" in L.A. Also, there was the tiny little matter of me having just paid $1500 to join the Screen Actors Guild. I had already told the Lord that money is just money and I would still be willing to leave it all behind if He called me home.

I checked my bank account yesterday and the money that was taken out for my SAG membership was back in there!!! Then I got a call later that day saying that there was a "Problem with my card and they could not finalize my membership until I called them." If that is not God, I don't know what is! The money was GONE from my account on Thursday, and now it's back. It wasn't a "pending" transaction. The money was gone. God gave me my money back. I don't even know how to express the joy and gratitude to my loving, amazing, wonderful Savior. All I have to do is trust in Him, and He provides for me beyond my wildest dreams! Now I'm just waiting for God to show me where He wants me to live. I would like to live with my Mom but my stepdad won't allow it. I believe God will open the door to where I belong when the time is right. How great is our God, huh?

A Poem for my Dad

I did not write this. A dear friend of mine did. He knew my Dad well and grew up in the same church as him. When I get his permission, I will post the name of this amazing author. I love this piece so much because it reminds me of where my father truly is and that I will see him again someday.

To mourn and honor the memory of a man who has passed through into the otherside;
A moment to reflect, then, and to ourselves remind,
That even as these tears may grace our face,
Set your mind to drift a moment, and picture Heaven’s gates,
And there awaits,
Tears of joy between a man and savior,
Shared in their embrace.

Rejoice, that so great is his reward,
To kneel before the presence of his sovereign Lord,
And hear these words at this life’s end,
“Welcome home, my son. Well done, my friend.”
And when these nights have passed, each morning turns to day,
And when all of our understanding seems as if its flown away,
When those tears well up in the corners of our eyes, we question if we can cope,
Don’t forget that if this life ends with joy, then it must always run with hope.
Think on the memory of a Man who has passed before us, who walked in lifealong our side,
A moment to reflect then, and to ourselves remind,
That even as tears may grace our face,
Heaven’s gates are not so far, where tears of joy await;
As we remember this man,
Drawn before our Lord and Savior, and sharing his embrace.

Who did they think I was?

Alright. I admit it. I am thoroughly addicted to reading everyone else's blogs. I love seeing what is going on in everyone else's lives so I figured someone, somewhere, might want to know what's going on in mine. If not, this will serve as a nice diary, which I was NEVER good at keeping.
So I live in L.A. now. I don't like it yet. I really miss San Diego and want to come back but I promised myself I would give L.A. six months before I decided to make any changes.
L.A. is definitely different than San Diego. Everything just moves faster up here. There is pretty much always traffic, there is never any parking, and everyone walks around in a big hurry. There are good aspects of L.A. as well. There is always something to do, the shopping up here is fantastic, and my best friend lives here.
I suppose I really realized I was living in L.A. about a week ago as I was walking to the gym. I had my sunglasses on and my hair was pulled back into a pony tail. I was listening to my IPod Nano (jealous?) and wearing the typical sweatpants and tshirt. The 24 Hour Fitness that I go to is located in a large shopping center that includes restaurants, stores, and a big movie theater. As I was walking, I noticed a gentleman with a camera around his neck. I'm not talking about a regular camera like I would have, I'm talking about one of those professional, high-powered cameras that photographers use.
I didn't really give the man a second glance until I he picked up his camera, pointed it at me and started snapping away. At first I just thought he was taking pictures of the scenery around me, (there was a giant poster for Brokeback Mountain right behind me) but as I walked, he followed me, all the while taking pictures. Needless to say I was quite baffled.
I finally made it past him to the door of the gym. Before going inside I turned around to look at this person who was so intent on photographing me, just to make sure I wasn't imagining things. Well, you would have thought me turning around was the most exciting thing this gentleman had ever seen because he proceeded to crouch down on the ground and take even MORE pictures! I just turned around, bewildered, and went inside.
I have no idea what that was about. Apparently this person thought I was somebody famous, or at least worth taking pictures of. Haha. The poor guy will go into his boss' office all excited because he thinks he has a whole bunch of great shots of someone famous. I hope he doesn't get in trouble! I wonder who he thought I was...